You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
