We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
