so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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