I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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