Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
