I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
