I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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