I'm eating all of the evidence.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
