I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
