I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
