Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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