well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
