There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
