Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
