everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
