I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
