My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your tits are I can't wait for
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least life still wants to fuck me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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