mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
