you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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