this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
