my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
