We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
