He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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