You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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