laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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