First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
