Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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