Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
