I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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