I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
zippers are such a cool invention
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
