i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
