I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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