His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
