Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
