Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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