my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize