He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
