I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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