im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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