wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
