i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
