called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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