I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
