i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
