we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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