I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
