farters have to be the big spoon...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize