fuck your aforementioned shoe
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
as a side note pls kill me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
