Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
