Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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