At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
