I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
