He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the liver wants what the liver wants
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
