could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
