i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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