Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
