you didnt know i had herpes?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
