last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
