just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
