she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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