needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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