there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
