I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
