We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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