is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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