help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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