I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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