I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
