Kiss
Puke
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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