Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
