but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
