Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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