So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
