party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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