i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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