"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
