i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
