the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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