I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
