just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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