there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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